Hillbillies, Cats, and a Ruined Breakfast

My hillbilly neighbors are responsible for ruining my breakfast and starting my day in exactly the wrong way.   I have indisputable proof.

Earlier this year, the house next door to mine was rented by a family of hillbillies.

Because they are the kind of hillbilly who pays little to no attention to the condition of their home and grounds, …well, they pay little to no attention to the condition of their home and grounds .

Because they pay little or no attention to the condition of their home and grounds, they have not mowed their lawn, which is just outside my kitchen window, since July.

Because they have not mowed their lawn since July, the grass and weeds are at least two feet high.

Because the grass and weeds are at least two feet high, a number of rodents such as mice and squirrels have found it a pleasant place to hang out.

Because a number of rodents such as mice and squirrels have found it a pleasant place to hang out, the neighborhood stray cats have found it a pleasant place to hunt.

Because the neighborhood stray cats have found it a pleasant place to hunt, my three cats, all of whom are exclusively inside pets, are constantly irritated by the strays so close to their house.

Because my three cats, all of whom are exclusively inside pets, are constantly irritated by the strays so close to their house, they jump up on the windowsills, like the one next to the kitchen table, in order to monitor and threaten the nearby intruders.

Because they jump up on the windowsills, like the one next to the kitchen table, in order to monitor and threaten the nearby intruders, they eventually have to jump down in order to resume other annoying activities around the house.

Because they eventually have to jump down in order to resume other annoying activities around the house, they sometimes use the kitchen table as a step toward the floor.

And because they sometimes use the kitchen table as a step toward the floor, they can land with two of their four feet right in my just-poured bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats with skim milk, thus making a mess of epic proportions, ruining my breakfast, soaking my newspaper, and generally starting my day in exactly the wrong way.

Damn hillbillies.

Damn cats.

Somebody find me a mop.

After such an exhausting undertaking, a nap in a basket of clean laundry waiting to be folded was subsequently taken.